I have a lot of thoughts on my mind and I want to get them out.
First of all: why is it so hard to change?
I so badly want to be a morning person, but no matter how hard I try, I just value sleep more than having more hours in the day. I have this idea of the woman I want to be, but have no idea when/how I’m going to start being her.
On a different note, today I submitted a writing assignment and this is the first time I’ve ever been insecure about a piece of writing. There’s a lot of swearing in it, and it’s about eleven and twelve year old girls who want to be grown up so they put on mascara and talk about boyfriends and sex.
I was inspired to write something like that because of a photo I saved to my phone, of a little girl who looks 11/12 wearing a school uniform, casually laid back on the arm of a loveseat with a burned cigarette in her right hand and a glass of coke in her left. She looks so suave and carefree, and also happens to be eleven smoking a cigarette. She’s smiling all toothy, and her hair is short and brown. Outside it looks like it’s maybe 8PM on a summer night. Idk. It inspired me, and the main character is supposed to be her. But idk if that’s realistic. The story gets pretty dark when she and her crush (Lindsey) are out on the track field when Lindsey confesses that she’s had sex and it hurt a lot (implying she was raped). MESSED UP! I KNOW! I don’t know what came over me…
Anyway, I hope I don’t get an absolute shit grade on it. I also think its sense of plot is absolute garbage…look at me, here I go.
Thirdly, I feel like I just absolutely take my grandma for granted. She was so excited to help me with an assignment for another class. Long story short, she called me like seven times today and each time I was too busy or was caught up with something else to answer. She’s not real email and tech savvy and she just needed help. I feel so bad…I hope that she responds to my text in the morning, because tonight she called me and said “Did you get my email?” I replied “yeah! yeah I got it!” When I didn’t really know if I had or not. I checked, I didn’t get it and I need it for the assignment tomorrow.
I get so caught up in my own world. It’s really hard for me to stop and care about others before it’s too late. I feel like a total loser. Life is passing me by. FUCK! Okay…it’s okay. SHIT! Alright…I’m cool…
Anyway, what’s up with you?
Silly Little Thoughts 