Tag: reading

Here’s the Truth

there I go…

I am a young Christian; I am inexperienced in the ways of adulthood and am sort of floating on the cloud of uncertainty while I still manage to find time to play Club Penguin and write a blog that no one is going to read.

My whole life it seems I’ve just been in one long relationship, ever since I can remember I’ve been hung up on a boy, and I’ve just recently become truly single and I’m really enjoying it!… I’m just very confused most of the time. Like, what am I supposed to do with all of this alone time, or, whoa I’m horny! Now what…?

I mean, I’m not completely useless. I have substance in my personality and character, but it just seems like now I am having to introduce myself…to myself…?; Because for so long, a large part of me was always being given to someone else. Now that I have myself to myself, it’s difficult to figure out what truly fits within my mental/emotional structure, and what is leftover debris from my previous relationship(s).

Anyway, it’s not all confusion. A lot of things have come to light, like: I’m not actually a partier, I just tried to be because Ex. No. 5 loved to control what I could/couldn’t do, who I could/couldn’t hangout with and naturally I rebelled. No.5 often liked to take up the role of an abusive parent. Oddly enough, we’re pretty tight now, and he comes to me for girl advice (I offered!).

I’m thinking of posting a sort of…story, if you will, about each Ex I’ve had and what I’ve learned from them. So maybe any girl who stumbles across this mess might learn something the easy way! BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Thoughts?

Here’s the sitch

I’m in a pickle and I need to get my thoughts out and a diary just isn’t cutting it. I appreciate commentary, critical or commentative. That’s just a risk of posting on the internet.

I think I am a little addicted to attention. I have a terrible habit of befriending my exes and then being too kind to them and then they take that kindness for “hey, this means I can get in your pants now,” or something like that.

Last night, I was hanging out with one of said exes. We’ll call him Ex No.1 because he was actually the first boyfriend I ever had. No.1 and I were getting along really well recently, and on a whim I asked him if he wanted to go and grab food. He agreed and we got together. Everything was fine and dandy in the ripe hour of 2AM and we drove around and whatever, normal hanging out stuff, then when I go to drop him off, he tries to kiss me;

Now, I thoroughly believe that the feeling of rejecting someone is just as bad as the feeling of being rejected. I rejected No. 1 so hard, and SO awkwardly, that I feel chest pain even thinking about it.

He’s not a bad dude, in fact, I think he’s really cool. Well, beside the fact that he looked at me like I was crazy when I said: “No. 1, what’re you doing? No, stop, why are you trying to kiss me?”

I’m really upset, because I was excited to have him as a friend after all of these years. Yes, YEARS. We hadn’t hung out in years, and this happens. I have a feeling he’s not going to want to be my friend anymore, and it sucks, because I’m lacking those as of late.

Anyway, that’s the pickle, and it tastes oh so sour!