Panera Tea is Hot

Currently sitting in a booth with my little sister, we’ve got our laptops out and such…HOMEWORK time.

The thing is I can’t focus on what to write, and the way my hands are positioned above my keyboard is uncomfortable and not natural. It looks like I’m playing the piano.

Anyway, there’s this group of three sitting around a round table. Two men and a woman. They’re all done up, but casually. So, the men are wearing Italian leather shoes with jeans rolled up at the bottom, with nice wrist watches and fresh haircuts, and plaid button-up shirts. The woman is really pretty, too. Her hair is chopped short above her shoulders and has nice wavy curls in it like in the hair commercials. Her pants are big around her tiny waist (fashion-choice) and the stripes are horizontal and tall.

A man walks in. He’s heavier set and not as clean-cut. He wears a leather jacket and what looks like Nike or Oasis sneakers. He is not as done up as them, but one of them stands up and greets him with one of those one arm guy hugs and then they fist bump or whatever.

“Hey man, it’s good to see you!” Says plaid shirt with Italian leather shoes, “How’re you doing?”

“I’ve had better days,” says leather jacket. They all sit down. The three done-ups sort of sitting on one side of the round table facing the non-done up guy. He’s having…marriage problems, I think. Says something about “she thinks I’m…and I’ve dated some girls…she’s dated here and there…but now…”

For once I am peeved that the strangers near me aren’t being obnoxiously loud. LET ME HEAR ABOUT YOUR LIFE! I DON’T WANT TO DO MY HOMEWORK!

Preface

So, I know there’s a lot of debate about whether people are born gay or not, and I don’t really care, but I know for a fact that before I was even out the womb, God said unto me: “You will love boys so much it will be a curse, you won’t be able to function socially, emotionally, or mentally for years–“

Joking.

Or am I?

I’ve been mackin’ on boys since Pre-K. I remember the first boy who ever told me he’d kiss me, and it was when we were looking at a great big sky-scraper while in the backseat of a car. He looked up at it, then to me, and said:

“If we were up there, I’d kiss you.” And I remember thinking, why don’t you just kiss me now?

Table of Contents

(of the boys who’ve taught me things) In Chronological order!

Benedict Cameron; Tree Boy; The Twins; P; The Russians; Monkey Boy (Aka Ex No.1); Cook; Taco; Ex. No.1 (phase 2); Ex. No.2; Snake; Ex. No.4; Ex. No.5; Ex. No. 6

Stay Tuned.

Here’s the sitch

I’m in a pickle and I need to get my thoughts out and a diary just isn’t cutting it. I appreciate commentary, critical or commentative. That’s just a risk of posting on the internet.

I think I am a little addicted to attention. I have a terrible habit of befriending my exes and then being too kind to them and then they take that kindness for “hey, this means I can get in your pants now,” or something like that.

Last night, I was hanging out with one of said exes. We’ll call him Ex No.1 because he was actually the first boyfriend I ever had. No.1 and I were getting along really well recently, and on a whim I asked him if he wanted to go and grab food. He agreed and we got together. Everything was fine and dandy in the ripe hour of 2AM and we drove around and whatever, normal hanging out stuff, then when I go to drop him off, he tries to kiss me;

Now, I thoroughly believe that the feeling of rejecting someone is just as bad as the feeling of being rejected. I rejected No. 1 so hard, and SO awkwardly, that I feel chest pain even thinking about it.

He’s not a bad dude, in fact, I think he’s really cool. Well, beside the fact that he looked at me like I was crazy when I said: “No. 1, what’re you doing? No, stop, why are you trying to kiss me?”

I’m really upset, because I was excited to have him as a friend after all of these years. Yes, YEARS. We hadn’t hung out in years, and this happens. I have a feeling he’s not going to want to be my friend anymore, and it sucks, because I’m lacking those as of late.

Anyway, that’s the pickle, and it tastes oh so sour!